So I'm pretty sure its not Christmas Eve.. It doesn't feel like it.. It feels more like, uhm.. any other day in any other month having nothing to do with Christmas or cheer. I've just wanted to sit alone in my room and cry and watch Gilmore Girls (note last post). I have never felt like less of a member of my own family as I did today. I felt forgotten and unimportant..
This past week I have worked on making a matching hat/scarf set to take with me to my family Christmas gathering for our white elephant party. They decided years ago that we would no longer buy each other gifts because it is just getting too expensive, so we bring something in a certain price range and open/trade and then end up with some random crap gift that sits around our house and possibly put in next years white elephant stash. So I made this beautiful set. It was a brown/green color with hints of burgundy and teal... I was really proud of it. I figured that everyone loves handmade gifts and that they would like it... but no, it was the crap gift that no one wanted... it was one of the most unwanted next to the crank radio.
Oh, and not to mention that David, Lorelei and I sat to the side watching everyone exchange a lot of gifts with each other. We did get something.. but it was the small stuff that people get for the random guests so they won't feel left out.
Alright, I know Christmas is not about gifts. There have been Christmas's in the past that pretty much all I got was a jacket and some underwear, but I spent it with my family and I was happy. This year I sit in the corner and get the sympathy gift. I'm seriously considering not even going next year so that I won't leave feeling upset.
On the bright side, the white elephant gift was a bag of starbucks coffee and a starbucks giftcard. And one of my favorite gifts so far was from my husband's cousin's wife. I'm not sure if they have a specific name for that type of "in-law" but anyways, she gave me a headband that she crocheted for Lorelei. It was in some of my favorite colors. the band was gray with a purple flower with a black center. Its so cute, and like I said earlier, handmade gifts are the best.
Well, tomorrow is my daughter's first Christmas and I will be sure to make it a good one. Even if I do have to wake up at 5am to watch my sister-in-law open gifts, Lorelei will be the cutest little Christmas baby anyone has ever seen.