Today I started to worry.
First it was that my house was a mess, and all I really wanted to do was run away from it. Seriously. I packed up and went shopping instead of staying home today.
Then I came home and realized it wasn't so bad. I did the dishes, folded the last load of laundry, picked up the toys, folded the blankets, threw out the trash.. It really wasn't that bad. I left a little to be done, but it was an easy pick up compared to before.
Like my mind tends to do, I wonder how I can change things. My husband mentioned the other day that he doesn't like our very nice TV stand. I've always liked it. Its a sturdy piece of furniture, not like something from Wal-Mart or any other discount store. This is a quality piece. I remembered a picture I saw in a magazine of a buffet that looked almost identical to mine that had been painted a pretty turquoise color and started thinking of doing that.
Instead of being happy with my great idea though, I worried. My mind went to decluttering. If I painted this piece I could give the other TV stand back to my mom and thats one less piece to move, whenever we may move. My mind goes to this too often. I fear we won't have enough room wherever we may move. We have a nice big house now with tons of storage. Seeing the places we lived before this I have a feeling we are going to go to something just as small as before and have no space, no storage, and tons of clutter. I don't know how we accumulated so much junk in the almost 3 years we've lived here. Something needs to be done though, and fast.
To be honest, I crave simplicity. I crave less stuff. I crave less stuff, that is all organized. The problem is that once you decide you can live without the stuff, its still there. It doesn't just walk out and leave. I actually have to do something with it, which is overwhelming.
Then it gets harder... This stuff is worth money. I may not have paid for most of it, but I know its worth money and I can't just throw out or give away something worth money. I've sold stuff online already to bring in extra money while getting rid of some of it, but I've got so much and I don't feel like I have the time to sell it all.
What I'm most worried about is that in the middle of my trying to fix myself by cleaning and decluttering my home and fixing our budget we will get word that its time to move and it will throw me completely off track. I know its coming, I just don't know when. I'm scared of moving to a small space, I'm scared of being somewhere else, I'm scared of not having the money to move and completely ruining the fact that we are not always overdrawn now.
I guess I just have to tell myself that its a good thing that I keep my house up between now and whenever we move. It'll make me feel better and continue building habits that will grow in our new home. Its ok if we have a smaller space, its less to clean and less space for clutter, so I'll be forced to get rid of stuff. New places are fun. Especially if we move to where I think we may. Its a completely different lifestyle than where we are and although its on the other side of the country, it will be a new adventure. And as for money, its just money. I've always believed God works it out. When pennies seem like they just aren't going to stretch, they always do. I can do my part to put some aside now, plus the military will pay to move us, we just have to be responsible for driving ourselves and some small personal things. I do worry about rent deposits and gas to somewhere far away, but if I put aside a little at a time now maybe it'll be fine.
So there, I have worried, I have let it out, I still feel like I'll lay up for hours tonight and think of this so I'll probably watch Gilmore Girls, cause thats what I do.
And tomorrow I think I will attempt to take Lorelei to see her very first movie at a theater. Wish me luck.