Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Pent up energy..

In the past five years I have had no energy. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and I blame that. I guess I could also blame my diet and lack of exercise, but its just a vicious circle really.

The other energy I lack is more creative in nature. At some point that spark just sort of dimmed and I had no more creative ideas. My brain just can't come up with original ideas. In fact, from the time I started writing this until now, I've already forgotten what my point was (forgetfulness is a symptom of hypothyroidism btw).

I have been wanting to blog. I need to write, I have things to say. I brainstorm topics that I think may be interesting to people other than just me, but I don't know how to create them in a way that is visually appealing.

I bought a Nikon years ago. When I worked for a newspaper right out of high school I used their fancy Nikon and it was amazing. I was so impressed with the pictures I took. I spent $500 on this thing and I'm lost. My spark went out the day I left the news room. Let me take this chance to say that owning a fancy camera does not make you a professional photographer. I feel that I have an "eye" for pictures, I just haven't mastered the lighting and focus yet.

I've had so many dreams of creating these amazing publications. I love my local community and feel like I need to share what all we have to offer. It is the type of place where everyone can't wait to leave, but I'm in a place where I see the value in just settling down.

I'm also to the point where I have everything I need.. Space, time, everything.. All I have to do is take advantage of what I'm given. Its time to figure out how to do that.

I will start now by watching Youtube and learning all about my camera.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

But what does it mean!?

I started this blog back in 2010. I'm pretty sure I had postpartum depression, but I was in a mental place where I thought that I had no reason to be unhappy about anything. Everything is great and I have no right to be depressed. This is something I still struggle with. Every time I get a little blue my brain refuses to let it be ok. It is more like "Why are you upset? What about those people who are dying or so much worse off than you?! They can be upset, you have no reason to be though." I have to remind myself it is ok to be unhappy sometimes. It is ok to feel the way you are feeling. I just have to make sure I don't dwell. I've gotta get myself up and keep going.

Back to the point though, in 2010 I needed an outlet. In the middle of the night I decided to start this blog. I have no direction I'm trying to go, I just need somewhere to write things when my brain gets overloaded.

The big question is, what does Raining Parade mean? The answer is I honestly don't really know anymore.

Thinking back on it I felt like everyday something was raining on my parade, but the beauty of it all is dancing in the rain. Oh my gosh, how cliche though! I imagine the rain pouring, but just standing in it all thinking it is so refreshing. Sometimes you just need the rain to wash things away so you can start over.

So there it is.. Who knows what "Raining Parade" means.. It is something positive though, thats for sure!

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Sorry guys...

I was checking the blogosphere today and I see that I haven't posted since 2013. I read once to have a successful blog you shouldn't come in saying things like "Sorry guys, I haven't posted in 2 years," but sorry guys.. I haven't posted in 2 years. I got busy with life. If I'm really honest, I haven't had much to say. I always feel like a blog needs a theme. I have followed organizing blogs, craft blogs, food blogs... but what is my blog? My brain is all over the place I would probably give you whip-lash.

Something exciting though... while I was checking in I saw I was getting traffic in here from pinterest. I haven't pinned my own stuff, but when I looked someone else pinned a picture I posted of a vintage dollhouse. I guess it doesn't really pertain to me or my blog at all, but hey I'm getting like 2 people in from that so its better than nothing.

So what has happened in the past 2 years...

  • We had a baby. Jesse is now the sweetest 17 month old boy I've ever seen. I use to judge "mama's boys" but this child makes my heart sing when he acts like a mama's boy. Having a second baby is so scary, but it has been amazing.
  • W e are done with the military and have moved back home, which was also scary! I'm so glad to be home though, even though I miss all the benefits of military living. 
  • I probably didn't keep up with any "resolution" I made 2 years ago. I haven't lost weight, my house is still a mess, I'm still addicted to my iPhone.. I still coupon occasionally, but not like I did, not like I intended to. Two kids makes it hard to keep it up.
  • We almost bought a house. Of course we found a house we loved. It was perfect for us, and a good price too. A good price until we had it inspected and found it needed a new roof and there was leaking in the walls. It was probably about to be a big mold nightmare and a money pit so we backed out. I'm still pretty bummed cause we loved the bones of the house, but those kinds of issues can't be overlooked.. We are taking a break from house hunting now.
  • My identity was stolen! We filed taxes back in February and were getting all excited about getting a refund when I got a call that someone had already used my social security number to file. That was a huge headache! Its now July and we still haven't got our refund.
  • I found out I have hypothyroidism. I actually may have found that out before my last post, but I don't think I've mentioned it. It isn't a big deal really, I don't treat it after I spent a year taking medicines that never helped. They want your thyroid levels to be at a certain number, and even when mine were where they were supposed to be I still had all the symptoms I had before. The worst is being tired. Its not like you take a nap and its all good. Its like a mental exhaustion that you can't shake. I think of all the things I need to do, and want to do, but don't have the energy to do any of it. It makes it to where I can't remember things like I should and can't focus as well. I'm about to start trying essential oils to see if that'll help.
So that's that. I came back after researching how to make money blogging and with essential oils, but I'm not a promoter. I'm not one to sell stuff. This blog was originally made because I needed an outlet. If you remember before Facebook there was MySpace where you could write long posts, and before that there was Xanga which was primarily just blog posts. That is where I started. I needed somewhere to post my feelings and Facebook doesn't do it for me. I'm also the type that would rather shut up instead of offending someone so I may not be the best blogger anyways. And I've probably already broken all the rules from that "what not to do if you want a successful" blog post I read way back when, even though the only rule I remember is to not say "sorry guys, I haven't posted in 2 years." And with that, I'm done.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

It has been a year.

A whole year has passed since I found my dream house. Seriously, I dream about this house. Just tonight I was "day" dreaming about it and I started to wonder how long it had been since I saw it. The post was from Halloween last year.

It was probably earlier this year though that it sold.. not to me.. and every time I drive by it I am still a bit heartbroken.

I dream of winning the lottery... The first thing I would do is go straight to that house and offer the owners twice what they paid. I'm sure they will understand that is my house. I need that house. It is where I belong. My kids need to grow up there.

I have this thing in my head when I go into empty houses or look at postings online. I have probably done it more than most because my grandparents have rentals so I've checked them out in progress. When I see those empty rooms and bare walls I imagine all the possibilities. I start knocking down walls in my head and changing cabinetry and floors. I'd like to believe it is a gift that not a lot of people have. Where I can see an amazing house, most people will move on because they don't think its worth it.

Part of me felt that when I walked into this house, but for the first time, I felt that my family needed to be there. I dreamt of my children playing in the back yard, and the fun they would have in this barn carriage garage thing in the back yard. I thought of inviting friends over for tea on the sun porch, and doing work in the library. All of this could happen with me not having to change a thing.

Sure, the kitchen needed a remodel, and so did the bathrooms. I'm sure I could tear down a few walls in there, but 90% of the house was perfect. Even if it was old and dusty and I doubt anyone has lived there in years, it felt like mine.

Do I sound like a crazy obsessed person? I'm sure I do. Is it crazier that I cringe when I think of other people living in my house doing this work instead of me? What if they mess it up? What if they don't move that wall in the kitchen to the place I wanted it? What if they tear out that beautiful antique built-in in the master closet? Those built-in's were part of the amazing charm. Oh, and I may faint if I ever walk in that house again and they have changed that gorgeous hardwood floor. No one could be stupid enough to mess that up, but what if they did? And the barn in the back where the horses lived and the old lady parked the carriages, they can't tear it down! I know a modern car won't fit, but please don't tear it down. My kids need to play there.

So even though I'm flat broke and won't afford to buy a house for a long long time short of winning the lottery, which I don't even play, I need to get this house. It is mine. It is the first place that I felt that having a second child was right. I was always on the fence, but in that house I knew there would be more than just Lorelei. Now there will be, and we need to be there. No other house will ever feel right.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I have all the motivation to clean, but I'm so tired it isn't happening.

That is what hypothyroidism feels like. Add pregnancy and an energy draining 3 year old, and thats where I'm at.

I want to clean. I want to get it done. I need to rest. I'm half asleep sitting up right now.

Getting the dishes done today feel like a huge accomplishment, but while I was doing that said 3 year old made five other messes. I ask her to clean up and she tries, but usually makes another mess in the process.