Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The love of my life

I'm in love. Complete and total love. I think about it all the time. Borderline obsessed. With a house.

I've never felt this way about a house before. I don't know exactly how to explain it. I went out looking at houses the other day just for fun. We can't afford to buy right now. The first house we looked at was a house I've always wanted. I have been eyeing it since I was a child and went to a babysitter there. I left there feeling like I could live there one day. It would take tons of work. TONS!! The house only cost 70,000, but you could easily put twice that amount into the house.. I could see the potential though. Its like a gift I have. I don't see what is physically standing there, I see what the house could be. This house could be something great.

When we were leaving the agent offered to show us another house. It was similar, but bigger. It needed less work though. It was another house I have had my eye own since I was little. I passed it every day and always thought it was gorgeous. I never pictured myself there like I had with the first house though. We went to see it though because its fun just looking at these big old houses.

We pulled up in the yard and I was in awe. I have never seen the back yard. I've passed the front thousands of times, how did I not know what was back here? A stable.. in the city. A big back yard with tons of trees and bushes. It is very private, in a not so private area. You stand back there and forget where you are. You feel like you are transported back in time to some secret garden.

Just looking at the house from the back yard is breathtaking. Its so much bigger up close. They don't build houses like this any more.

I know my photography skills didn't do much for this, but look at all of those windows.. Wouldn't you just love to sit on that sun porch while you kids play in the huge yard that it looks out on.. 

We walked in through that back red door. Straight through there was a small and outdated kitchen. Honestly though, I didn't even care. It can be fixed. There was a huge window over the sink that looked out into the side yard, which down near the road has a big stone fountain.

There were so many rooms I can't remember what all I saw. All I remember is that it was all beautiful. One room right after another of just gorgeous architecture. They just don't build houses like this anymore.

One thing that I would change from the get go was the paint. It was all so dark in a house that feels like it should be bright and full of life. All the trim was white though, which in my opinion is the only way it should be. 

There was a room that I could tell was dedicated to be a library. It had built in book shelves and a door leading out onto a sun porch. The house actually two sun porches in the front. One leading out from the library, and one that led out from what I guess is the living room.

This is the study. It has a fireplace, and two big sets of built in bookshelves behind the camera man.

Through out the whole house there were these dark hardwood floors. My grandma mentioned the cost of what it takes to redo hardwood floors, but honestly these look perfect. Maybe a good shine would help, but I love them as they are. The paint may be too dark, but not the floors.

My husband and I were talking a while back about what we want in a house. A decent sized master bedroom with its own bathroom and big closets, a room for Lorelei, another room for a future baby, a homeschooling room, at least one room dedicated for an office, a formal dining room, a living room, a play area, a back yard... Once we get everything we want in a house we would need a 5-6 bedroom house. This house just happens to be 6 bedrooms. It also has 6 bathrooms (who needs 6 bathrooms) but I think I would do a little rearranging and combine some to have more space and bigger closets.

Oh and the closets! They were everywhere. Most old houses don't have big ones because the people back then lived differently than we do today. Closets just weren't needed as they are now. But this house has them. And built ins! Old fashioned built ins! I can't decide if I would tear them out and build a bigger closet and bathroom, or just leave it as it is and enjoy the old charm. One thing I would definitely do though is figure out how to bring up a washer and dryer. It is down two flights of stairs in the basement at the moment!

This was the nicest of all the built-ins. It had a space for a woman to sit down and do her make-up. Behind it there was plenty of space to hang clothes. In every closet though there were the wooden doors that closed it all in. You never could just walk in and see the clothes, you always ad to open the doors (as you can see above with the big mirror on the outside). Below is a blurry picture I took that shows more detail inside.

So along with the tons of living space on the first floor, and the 6 bedrooms on the second floor, there is also a third floor that has a small space to look out the windows onto the backyard.

There is also a basement that is around 1330 sq ft. That is bigger than the house I live in now. Sadly it is just for storage because the ceiling is so low, but seriously there is enough space in the house I don't guess you would need much more. 

Friday, October 12, 2012

I finally admit it..

I'm going to be completely honest, and this is hard to say, but I'm depressed... I've never let it get to me before, but it finally is. Its so weird because all the times in my life when things were going bad I was able to get through it. Somewhat easily actually. Now things aren't so bad. Honestly, the only thing that isn't good is money, but its only temporary.. But still, its getting to me. To the point that I have gone to the doctor.. I'm on meds.. I go to therapy..

I'm the type of person who hates taking medicine. But now I take something when I wake up so that I have the energy to make it through the day.. 6 hours later I take something for depression.. and then at night I take something else to make myself fall asleep. Literally if I don't take the meds at night I am up for hours.. Its the only one I really don't mind taking. Its an all natural one so no addictions or anything..

I just don't like living feeling like I depend on something. I don't want to live on these medications. I just want to go on living my life. But right now they are making it possible. I have hypothyroidism. Without the meds in the morning I am a zombie. I don't know how to explain it so that people who haven't experienced it would understand. Just imagine your energy level being at about 1 at its best. Just walking across the room is like a sprint.. Not physically.. Its not tiring in a physical way, more mentally tiring. Just so mentally tiring, but not sleepy..

I have made some lifestyle changes along with the meds though. I've made sure that I take the sleep meds so that I'm sleeping by around 11.. That is early for me.. Without them I am wide awake (with no energy) until around 4am.. Since I now go to sleep earlier I wake up earlier. This is going to sound horrible to say as a mother, but I have never woken up early. Lorelei has slept until around 10 so I always have just slept late with her.. I did it before she was born, except when I had a job. I mean really who said babies HAVE to wake up at like 7am?

Well turns out you can do a lot if you wake up early. I try to wake up by 8:30. I've created a morning routine for myself. I wake up, get dressed.. like fully.. with a bra and everything. I was surprised how put together this made me feel.. I then brush my teeth and do my hair.. shower when needed, because honestly I don't do it every single day since I don't leave the house, more like every other day. I then make my bed! INSANE! Who would have thought I would make my bed? Well I do now. I don't do it all the way, but I straighten out the sheets and turn them down. Something about it is so nice to look at, and it also feels really good that night getting back into a nice made bed.. Then I go through the house and open the blinds to let the sunlight in. This is the best part. At this point in my morning routine I usually take my meds, get some hot tea and sit down to make a list of what I need to do that day because I love lists..

I really feel like I have accomplished a lot. I've been working on it for three weeks now and I've kept my laundry done.. My house has stayed cleaner than it ever has since I've had a baby.. I'm still depressed, but at least that part of my life is better.. my home stuff..

Honestly I just need some purpose, but I feel like we are just holding our breath until we can pay off some debt before anything can happen. It is so frustrating to just sit and think "oh and can do all these great things, but we'll have to wait about 5 months before anything can happen" And I hate that it always comes back to money.. My life does not revolve around money, but it does seem to hold me back..