Tuesday, October 29, 2013

It has been a year.

A whole year has passed since I found my dream house. Seriously, I dream about this house. Just tonight I was "day" dreaming about it and I started to wonder how long it had been since I saw it. The post was from Halloween last year.

It was probably earlier this year though that it sold.. not to me.. and every time I drive by it I am still a bit heartbroken.

I dream of winning the lottery... The first thing I would do is go straight to that house and offer the owners twice what they paid. I'm sure they will understand that is my house. I need that house. It is where I belong. My kids need to grow up there.

I have this thing in my head when I go into empty houses or look at postings online. I have probably done it more than most because my grandparents have rentals so I've checked them out in progress. When I see those empty rooms and bare walls I imagine all the possibilities. I start knocking down walls in my head and changing cabinetry and floors. I'd like to believe it is a gift that not a lot of people have. Where I can see an amazing house, most people will move on because they don't think its worth it.

Part of me felt that when I walked into this house, but for the first time, I felt that my family needed to be there. I dreamt of my children playing in the back yard, and the fun they would have in this barn carriage garage thing in the back yard. I thought of inviting friends over for tea on the sun porch, and doing work in the library. All of this could happen with me not having to change a thing.

Sure, the kitchen needed a remodel, and so did the bathrooms. I'm sure I could tear down a few walls in there, but 90% of the house was perfect. Even if it was old and dusty and I doubt anyone has lived there in years, it felt like mine.

Do I sound like a crazy obsessed person? I'm sure I do. Is it crazier that I cringe when I think of other people living in my house doing this work instead of me? What if they mess it up? What if they don't move that wall in the kitchen to the place I wanted it? What if they tear out that beautiful antique built-in in the master closet? Those built-in's were part of the amazing charm. Oh, and I may faint if I ever walk in that house again and they have changed that gorgeous hardwood floor. No one could be stupid enough to mess that up, but what if they did? And the barn in the back where the horses lived and the old lady parked the carriages, they can't tear it down! I know a modern car won't fit, but please don't tear it down. My kids need to play there.

So even though I'm flat broke and won't afford to buy a house for a long long time short of winning the lottery, which I don't even play, I need to get this house. It is mine. It is the first place that I felt that having a second child was right. I was always on the fence, but in that house I knew there would be more than just Lorelei. Now there will be, and we need to be there. No other house will ever feel right.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I have all the motivation to clean, but I'm so tired it isn't happening.

That is what hypothyroidism feels like. Add pregnancy and an energy draining 3 year old, and thats where I'm at.

I want to clean. I want to get it done. I need to rest. I'm half asleep sitting up right now.

Getting the dishes done today feel like a huge accomplishment, but while I was doing that said 3 year old made five other messes. I ask her to clean up and she tries, but usually makes another mess in the process.