Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Pent up energy..

In the past five years I have had no energy. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and I blame that. I guess I could also blame my diet and lack of exercise, but its just a vicious circle really.

The other energy I lack is more creative in nature. At some point that spark just sort of dimmed and I had no more creative ideas. My brain just can't come up with original ideas. In fact, from the time I started writing this until now, I've already forgotten what my point was (forgetfulness is a symptom of hypothyroidism btw).

I have been wanting to blog. I need to write, I have things to say. I brainstorm topics that I think may be interesting to people other than just me, but I don't know how to create them in a way that is visually appealing.

I bought a Nikon years ago. When I worked for a newspaper right out of high school I used their fancy Nikon and it was amazing. I was so impressed with the pictures I took. I spent $500 on this thing and I'm lost. My spark went out the day I left the news room. Let me take this chance to say that owning a fancy camera does not make you a professional photographer. I feel that I have an "eye" for pictures, I just haven't mastered the lighting and focus yet.

I've had so many dreams of creating these amazing publications. I love my local community and feel like I need to share what all we have to offer. It is the type of place where everyone can't wait to leave, but I'm in a place where I see the value in just settling down.

I'm also to the point where I have everything I need.. Space, time, everything.. All I have to do is take advantage of what I'm given. Its time to figure out how to do that.

I will start now by watching Youtube and learning all about my camera.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

But what does it mean!?

I started this blog back in 2010. I'm pretty sure I had postpartum depression, but I was in a mental place where I thought that I had no reason to be unhappy about anything. Everything is great and I have no right to be depressed. This is something I still struggle with. Every time I get a little blue my brain refuses to let it be ok. It is more like "Why are you upset? What about those people who are dying or so much worse off than you?! They can be upset, you have no reason to be though." I have to remind myself it is ok to be unhappy sometimes. It is ok to feel the way you are feeling. I just have to make sure I don't dwell. I've gotta get myself up and keep going.

Back to the point though, in 2010 I needed an outlet. In the middle of the night I decided to start this blog. I have no direction I'm trying to go, I just need somewhere to write things when my brain gets overloaded.

The big question is, what does Raining Parade mean? The answer is I honestly don't really know anymore.

Thinking back on it I felt like everyday something was raining on my parade, but the beauty of it all is dancing in the rain. Oh my gosh, how cliche though! I imagine the rain pouring, but just standing in it all thinking it is so refreshing. Sometimes you just need the rain to wash things away so you can start over.

So there it is.. Who knows what "Raining Parade" means.. It is something positive though, thats for sure!